You and I
by Caskett1
Summary: Searching his face for answers she looks at him with large eyes, full of confusion, trepidation, remorse, "You should be upset, right? Hell, I'm upset. I mean I'm apparently married for God's sake! And not to you. You should be…disappointed?" episode insert for 6x23


**A/N:** This is set at the loft after Kate can't reach Rogan on the phone and decides to drive up to Willow Creek

Thank you to** kimmiesjoy** for the beta!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, not owning them!

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"So _Mrs. O'Leary_, what time do you plan on driving up to Willow Creek tomorrow morning?" Sticking his head out of the bathroom, rubbing the towel through his still damp hair, Castle watches her put lotion on her feet and legs, a teasing glint in his eyes.

"Would you please stop calling me that, this isn't funny."

"You gotta admit, it is. A little bit."

"No, it isn't." Her eyes suddenly flash with anger and a kind of desperation that alerts him to the fact this is serious and not the time for flippant jokes. Switching off the light in the bathroom Castle joins her on the bed, brushing his fingers lightly over her shoulders in apology while sitting down next to her.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come off like an ass but you know me; humor is the way I cope."

"But why aren't you more…mad? How can you be so...so _good _about all this?" Searching his face for answers she looks at him with large eyes, full of confusion, trepidation, remorse, "You should be upset, right? Hell, _I'm_ upset. I mean I'm apparently _married_ for God's sake! And not to _you_. You should be…disappointed?"

_Oh Kate._

"Hey, I love you. Nothing's going to change that. And of course I'm not thrilled with the fact that you're apparently married; especially since we found out about it less than three days before _our_ wedding."

Her shoulders slumping, she lowers her gaze, in shame or defeat, he can't work out which, but he wants her to understand. Understand that this is merely another small obstacle on the way to their happy ending.

Bumping her shoulder with his, he goes on, "But hey, when have we ever done anything the traditional way, huh? I mean it's _us _for crying out loud."

Kate looks up at him, a small but real smile on her lips; it's a little wistful but he'll take it.

Putting his arm around her back, pulling her into his side he goes on, "We are the crazy couple who took four years to see the light while dealing with blown-up apartments, sharing undercover kisses and snuggling up in freezers," he can feel her smile widening against his shoulder, "And I waited until you got shot to tell you I loved you, so our timing has never been the best."

Her fingers against his thigh are tightening, her whole side pressing further into him while her smile is dimming a little bit. But he carries on, "Hell, we found a _dead guy_ in the pool on our first weekend away, you staged a murder for my birthday and the CIA, Big Foot and Ninjas are part of our everyday life. So no, we've _never_ been traditional. _Far_ from it. And I _love _it!"

Openly laughing at his antics now, Kate peers up at him through her lashes, love and gratitude shining from her eyes but there is still sadness and uncertainty lurking in the background too, so he forges on.

"But you know, there isn't really anything we can do about it now other than soldier through. And I'm certainly not going to hold it against you. It's not that I will think any less of you, Kate. We all were young once, we all have done things we aren't necessarily proud of."

"Like riding a stolen police horse naked?" She glances up at him, a teasing if tentative smile forming on her face.

"Nope. That's one thing I'm quite proud of." He grins at her, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

"Of course you would." Sighing she rolls her eyes a little as she lets her head drop on to his shoulder, grabbing his hand in the process and squeezing it tightly. He smiles and lays his cheek on top of her head, breathing in the smell of her shampoo and something uniquely Kate.

Dropping a kiss to her hair he states, "And _you_ didn't even know you were married until now, Kate. So this doesn't change anything for me. At all."

"But it does for me." Suddenly troubled again she jumps up, pacing in front of him, barefoot and in her sleep shorts, looking a bit desperate, a lot agitated and absolutely adorable he thinks to himself. He watches her try to gather her thoughts while running a hand through her hair and pushing up her oversized shirt every time it slips off her right shoulder.

"I mean you said it yourself, Castle. I've always prided myself on being _a one and done kind of girl_, and I wouldn't just go into a marriage lightly. And me getting married in a drunken stupor at a drive-through wedding chapel that's just – _not_ me!" She exclaims and – off his look – amends, "Or well apparently it must have _been me_ but I was young and reckless, not to mention drunk, and it was before – "

Swallowing hard she lets the sentence hang in the air, not needing to elaborate because he knows full well what she _isn't_ saying. Castle reaches out and snags her hand, bringing it to his mouth and tugging her closer, while brushing his lips tenderly across her knuckles. He squeezes lightly to indicate for her to go on, looking at her encouragingly.

"I didn't even _think_ about it after we broke up and when I did I never thought that it was for real. Hell, I had trouble remembering it the day after."

"Mhmm, alcohol is known to have that side effect." He smirks up at her, trying to lighten the mood a little. But she continues on without giving the slightest indication that she has heard him.

"I never ever in a million years thought this would be legally binding in any way. It didn't even cross my mind. I mean it was a _drive-through chapel_ for God's sake. That doesn't even _sound_ real."

He has to agree with her here, even though he knows from experience there are probably far more crazy things out there than this.

"And for me this - ," pausing momentarily to search for an appropriate term she grimaces before continuing grudgingly, "- _relationship _was done when we broke up. I didn't waste a second thought on the guy afterwards. It was just a joke back then –," exhausted she sinks down onto the bed again, falling back and hiding her face in the crook of her elbow, sighing in defeat, "A joke that epically backfired now."

As Castle stretches out next to her, leaning on his elbow and supporting his head with one hand, he gently removes her arm to look into her eyes and sees the tears shimmering there, threatening to spill over.

His eyes soften and he brushes a kiss to her forehead, murmuring, "Oh Kate. Hey love, it's gonna be okay."

"How? How is this going to be okay, Castle?" She asks him low and dejected, desperation leaking through every word, punctuating each syllable. "If I can't find him tomorrow or if he doesn't sign the papers we're screwed."

"Then we'll find a way, we always do," he smiles reassuringly down at her, before raising a teasing eyebrow, "Besides, if I remember correctly you were the one who didn't want us to be boring, right?!"

Startling, Kate lets out a teary chuckle, "Not exactly what I meant, Castle."

"Eh, it fits. At least in my book." His eyes crinkle with love and mischief, happy that he is able to pull a smile from her.

Smoothing her thumb over his laugh lines she lets him see the gratitude in her eyes before turning serious again.

"But Castle…I don't think you understand. Marriage isn't something I take lightly. And you were the only one I ever _wanted_ to be married to. The only one I can see myself growing old and grey with. And now this is all…_tainted_."

Castle feels confusion spreading through him at that, and some of it must translate to his eyes because she hastily goes on to explain.

"Not that I think your former marriages or divorces taint our relationship. Not at all. I understand that we all have our baggage and it made you who you are today. And who you are is pretty great, you know."

Smiling tenderly up at him Kate sees the teasing twinkle forming in his eyes and brushes her lips across his mouth, lightly biting down. "Don't ruin it, babe." His answering chuckle reverberates through his whole body, and he lets himself temporarily sink down, burying his face in the crook of her neck.

After a moment of just breathing each other in Kate softly nudges him back a little to look him in the eye.

"But I only ever dreamed of _the one_, you know? And you were – _are_ – it for me." Stroking one thumb over his cheekbone, she lets her eyes follow its trail down over his temple, grazing his ear lovingly, causing goosebumps to erupt in its wake before dropping her hand to his shoulder and squeezing it lightly for emphasis before she shifts her gaze back to his.

"And it made me so happy. That I could give you that. With all of my own less than admirable baggage I was at least able to say with certainty that you are the only man I'd ever say yes to. And now _this_. You don't deserve this." Her eyes, clouded over with sadness and disappointment, start again shimmering suspiciously, and Castle feels a little helpless since he doesn't know how to fix this.

"Kate. Listen to me. A marriage isn't some signed form or paper. It doesn't consist of a legal declaration followed by our signatures. Marriage is hard work."

Brushing a lock out of her eyes he tries to make her see, "It's loving and accepting each other despite of all our flaws, it's fighting about big and small things – only to have mind-blowing make-up sex afterwards," he wiggles his eyebrows pulling a teary laugh from her before he continues.

"It's walking the way together, overcoming the obstacles thrown at us. It's waking up to each other, every day, only to annoy the hell out of each other during it," he feels her pinch his side a little at that, biting her lip to hold in the smile threatening to take over.

"It's listening to and encouraging each other, making each other laugh even when we want to cry." Letting the tears finally flow freely down her cheeks Kate fists her hands in his shirt, pulling him closer, a myriad of emotions flicking through her eyes in rapid succession.

"It's building a life together, being the partner you can laugh with during the ups and lean on and cry with during the downs. That's what makes a marriage, Kate."

He pulls back a little, tugging her chin up to see the seriousness in his eyes, "And we've already been doing most of it during the last six years. Without any signed license. So you and I, Kate, _we_ are practically married," sighing, he lets their foreheads touch in a sweet kiss, his eyes shining with love and adoration, his thumb tracing a path along her lips, memorizing and discovering their shape anew. "And a piece of paper won't change that."

Swallowing hard, she opens her mouth to say something but Castle presses his finger down against her lips, stills her to make his final point. "But see, this also works the other way around. Even though you've technically been married to Rogan, you were never _actually_ married to the guy. Not the way a marriage is supposed to be."

He presses a soft kiss under her left eye, catching a traitorous tear leaking out.

"So it _doesn't count_."

Another one under her right eye, following the tear tracks down.

"And this is all that matters really."

All the way down to her nose, pressing a sweet kiss on top of it.

"You and I, Kate. You and I."

Brushing the left corner of her mouth, he lingers there before murmuring,

"_That's_ what matters."

Trailing a path to the other side without touching her lips, hovering for a fleeting second before letting his lips trail a butterfly kiss there he makes his final point.

"Nothing else."

Reaching up and looping her arms around his neck she fiercely pulls him down the rest of the way, crashing his body on top of hers, hugging him tightly and sealing their lips in a kiss filled with so much emotion that he thinks his heart is overflowing.

"God, I love you, Castle! I love you so much! I don't know how I got so lucky to have you but I don't care. I'm never going to give you up. _Ever_."

Burrowing her face in his neck, breathing him in she whispers confidently, "You're right, Castle. That's all that matters. You and I."


End file.
